Online Since 1997

Energizing vs. Energy-draining Relationships

Initial compatibility is built upon a first encounter where the two people discover they have chemistry, physical appeal and common interests. As the relationship evolves and takes its own shape, a third entity is born: the relationship itself. Every relationship brings out a different aspect of our personality depending upon specific characteristics in the other person that trigger these different behaviors. Successful relationships occur when two people bring out the best in each other most of the time. This creates an energizing environment in which both people grow, individually and together. With this premise in mind, understanding who you are, what you need, what you can or cannot accept is paramount. A comprehensive understanding of your potential significant other enables you to make healthy decisions for yourself.

Successful relationships do not just happen

Relationships require self-knowledge, other-knowledge and a committed effort to understanding and working at the relationship. When there are many and significant differences between the personalities, a number of things happen which ultimately undermine the success of the relationship. First, understanding another person becomes more difficult when there are marked differences. The core of all relationships is the need to "like" the other person. Generally, we like people who are like ourselves, unless of course, they reflect something back to us that we do not like in ourselves (which is why self knowledge is so important). Secondly, the struggle to understand these differences (anticipating that if we understand the difference we can "like" it) creates conflict and consumes energy, ultimately draining both people so that there is little energy left to put into the positive aspects of the relationship.

The balancing of ourselves act

Many people unknowingly enter relationships in an effort to balance themselves. The thinking might be "I am so emotional, I need someone who can even that part of me out" and therefore, select a partner who is exactly the opposite. Later, the emotional person begins to feel empty inside dealing with the overly controlled, non-emotional partner who is unable to respond to his or her emotional needs. And the non-emotionally responsive partner winds up exhausted trying to cope with the emotional ups-and-downs. The very thing that attracted these two people in the beginning becomes the source of problems later in the relationship and the cause of heartbreak.

Relationships built on major differences in personalities are usually full of compromises. When people need to compromise themselves to the extent that they can no longer be true to themselves, negative energy is a natural outcome and become the source of misery, dis-ease and separation, if not from each other, then from the self.

Using every resource possible to gain insight into your personality and communicating with each other openly and honestly about who you are is the key to finding your most compatible partner and creating an energizing relationship.

by Dianalyn Clayton, CGA, NLPP

Join us!